Forever Aozora

apa tih bayi?! kamu mawmaw nci cubbbit ya      bayi, nci butan ayunan!  

bloggie,  Happy Tuesday. From Saturday Tuesday and Thursday are no longer terribly-hectic-days anymore, right, since Ms.Selvi gave me days off so I can go to campus more freely. Aku lagi makan sehelai roti tawar pake selai yg baru beli hari sabtu kemarin: HERO Marmalade. Hah! Apa ini kok malah rasanya jadi kayak Garlic Bread gini! wo bu xihuan! Walaupun wo laper, w ngga mau nerusin makan. Tunggu dibeliin bubur ayam aja! By the way, I have to finish writing PART II of my thesis, blog. Blog, I had a bitter dream. I dreamed my uncle Anto kept smoking, unstoppable. In fact (not in dream), he has a very bad heart condition and he (as I know) has stopped smoking or drinking coffee. In that dream, I went so far to his house to do the thesis because I couldn't do it in my house. There in his house, so many kids! Little kiddos, about 2 or maybe 1,5 years old. I played with them like a friend and they were so friendly. But when I started talking about letters, they called me "Miss...

Dear blog, I'm still siiick. Fever goes high and low. I feel like a sick kid not going to school. First phrase was sad, but the next is kinda fun! I texted Ms.Selvi saying sorry I can not come to the meeting, she said "It's okay Keisha, get well soon ya" She is nice. Oh, then I remembered I also have appointment with Wirid today, so I texted him too.. wishing he could make it tomorrow... and he said the same with Ms.Selvi. Aaahhh so nice. Here is some interesting things I read.. that to find the history or source of a place's name (context: Indonesia) , you should observe on its:   first: flora second: geometry or the ground contour   if you still don't find the answer, you can find the meaning of the word in Kawi language, Ancient Melayu Polynesia language, or Egyptian Ibrani. From some possibilities, the source of name "Betawi" is based on the flora: Guling Betawi or in Latin, Cassia Glauca Famili Papilonaceae     Rumours also says that Betaw...

aku mimpi nikah sama Ale. Iya, Ale dosen itu lho. Yang jodohin mamaku. Dia mau. Kamar mandinya adalah kamar mandi rumah Batujajar yang dulu banget sebelum di-renovasi. (See? Gila, rumah itu masih cari muka di mimpiku). Seiring dengan menikah sama Ale, note book ku yang isinya penjelasan BAB II ketemu.Sedih banget pas tau note book itu belum ketemu. Hanya ketemu di dalam mimpi. Terus mimpi hilang (ngilang dhewe) di pasar malem.Jadi pergi ke pasar malem sama mama, ayah, dan kakak. Semua pakai jaket. Aku nylentang sendirian naik roller coaster, bianglala

sakit.

trying to be good.. kemarin (hari jumat) ngobrol sama Matius Ali. Dia bilang, dosa itu dari bahasa sansekerta, artinya kebencian. Benci diam-diam juga dosa. Dan yang bisa memecahkan dosa itu menjalankan sila. Sila artinya 'satunya perkataan dan perbuatan'. Jujur dan transparan. Ngobrol dengan mas Matius dini hari itu jadi kado ulang tahun yang sangat berarti dari Keisha untuk Keisha.  Kembalilah jadi orang Timur, yang sabar dan menyejukkan seperti air. Jangan termakan atmosir komuni yang mengiritasi, yang mengajak untuk jadi pemarah dan mudah sakit hati. Lupakanlah pertunjukan-pertunjukan emosi itu. Bersyukurlah atas siapa dirimu sekarang. Matius Ali bilang, dilahirkan jadi manusia itu hadiah yang sulit didapatkan. Lihatlah, kamu terlahir manusia. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Last night I arrived home at 11, checked facebook (as Uqie asked me to activate just for my birthday), writing to you, then my parents arrived home. I told mom how I feel about my graduation project and I had tears in my eyes although they didn't fall (they are scared of mom) and mom tried to calm me down and make me believe I will make it. This semester. But I have to believe and give my last blood to this project. Mom also told me to keep being nice to Cakti and motivate him. Wow, it's the first time Mom plays protagonist role. Our conversation finished at 1:30 AM. I went to bed. And woke up at 9. I dreamed Dad put everything in the freezer including some fish tanks. Some fishes already turned into ice-cubes. It was horrible. Dad could be not so smart, but what kind of fool would put these fish tanks in a freezer? Some fish-ice-cubes were still trying to swim. I put the tanks down and replace the cold water with warm water. Lalu, blog, I woke up today, and I broke a glass. Ah...

dear blog, hari ini aku ulang tahun. tapi rasanya kayak... gila, capek banget. di kampus nungguin Dina dengan panik. Nunggu kostum yang dia jahit, terus ke 26 benerin skenario supaya ACC. Balik lagi ke kampus di-ACC. Sempet tasnya over heavy karena ketambahan kamera Gilang yang rencananya buat syuting siNYAMUK karena kamera bokapnya Cakti mau dipake (dan ternyata ga jadi, itupun ngabarinnya ke Dina doang ngga ke gue). Kostum datang dengan muka BT Dina. Kostum udah di tangan Sesha, udah deh. Tenang. Skenario juga ACC. Dan ternyata ga jadi syuting aja... dong... hari ini. Sesarina Puspitanya ngga dateng. Blog, to be honest, I feel like breaking down. I hate my partner Aku merasa Cakti sedikit banyak ngancurin hidupku dengan semua konflik dia sama Dina dan Irin, dulu. Dia suruh aku bikin ini itu. Aku begadang mendesain properti rumah Babi karena dia bilang "ini kosong banget deskripsi lo", rumah Paus yang aku udah bilang "Paus kan hidupnya di dalam air jadi memang ga bisa ...

Kenapa yah di tempat kerja yang udah cozy banget masih aja ketemu sama makhluk yang bikin alergi: cewek lemah, pucat penyakitan dan ngga memiliki selera humor yang bagus. Sebetulnya manusiawi sih ada orang kayak gitu. Itu biasa. Masalahnya adalah kenapa aku alergi sih? Harusnya aku biasa aja lah. Ngga guna orang kayak gitu. Aku insecure karena aku ngga beda jauh-jauh banget sama orang itu, hanya saja aku dibesarkan dengan cara yang jauh banget. Aku baru saja membahas hal ini dengan pikiranku. Dari aku masih teacher assistant sampe udah jadi teacher, aku angkat-angkat benda berat sendiri. Dari kelas ini ke kelas itu, dari lantai atas ke lantai bawah. I always look so strong dan mungkin sadar atau ngga sadar, itu image yang ingin kubangun ke orang-orang (anjrot, obrolan penting nih bray). Waktu aku sakit aku tetep ngajar dan kelasku kacau. Akupun disalahin dan aku terima. Tapi waktu cewek ini sakit (dan dia selalu sakit) dan tidak membantu banyak (pekerjaannya teacher assistant) it's...

Yohooy my blog, happy saturday night. Lihatlah judul posting ini. Mau diceritain yang mana dulu nih? yang kedua dulu ya! Jadi kira-kira seminggu yang lalu mungkin di hari senin, aku memutuskan jadi vegetarian. Boleh makan daging tapi hanya ikan. Targetku minimal aku veggie sampe tanggal 24. Selain menunjang diet, aku juga udah ngga nafsu sama daging. Tapi karena siang ini setelah dance di GiGi aku makan bubur ayam Oenpao, jadi sudah gagal. dong dang ding dong. Cerita berikutnya: gagal kesepian. Sampai hari ini Mama dan Ayah masih nginap di Bekasi dan hari sabtu ini (hari ini) keluarga kak Topan ngunduh mantu, jadi kakak dan suaminya nginap di rumah kak Topan semalam. Ik sendirian dan bahagia, as you know. And was very tired too . Had no big difficulty to sleep. But today, ik super capek. Ngajar baby pingu jam 8 pagi lalu lanjut ngajar Martha, lalu langsung larrrii ke Radio Dalam (oke, naik ojek, bukan lari). Ya-auwwooh... senangnya ketemu Miss XXX (jijik.com) dan di GiGi diajarin lah ...

hai blog, selamat pagi. It's 6:20 AM here I haven't had breakfast. I woke up at 4 like I planned. So, my lesson plan for today's class is: review the flashcard, play memory card game, figurine hunt, tracing letter J. After Martha's class then I would rush to Radio Dalam to have a dance class which I was absent last week due to my sister's wedding party. It's already 6:24 and I haven't bathed. I swept my room instead of taking a bath. [6:59] okay I'm ready! (LIE. Haven't brushed my hair and prepare the boots to dance)

dear blog, today I woke up at 2:30 to finish script as a free intepretation of short story "LARON". It was quite peaceful that dawn. I made a coffee to make sure I wouldn't fall back to sleep. I felt tired but fine. Jess brought martabak for dinner but I didn't eat it for dinner so I was hungry. I cooked rice with the magic jar. Waiting for the rice, I continue my script. Suddenly I felt feverish and I had to lay down to feel better or I will really have fever. I have no time to be sick. Laying in bed, I fell asleep and woke up at eight. Dammit. I washed my jeans and underwear and washed all the dishes. So the table was clean, I took a bath. And when I came out of the bathroom, guess what, already 3 new glasses on the table, taken by two persons: the new husband and wife. Then Jess went to work and her husband drove me to campus. I arrived at 9:40. Quickly grabbed a bottled mineral water and drank quite fast. Having class of Film & Literature that interesting, I ...

Iin now is my sister-in-law. She is two years younger than me. Her hair is very long and her face looks very similar with her mom. But I heard Iin is not their biological daughter. Her brother was born at 1980 and she was born at 1990 and they are two siblings only, like Jessica and me. Iin already works in Tanjung Priuk, but I don't know what she does. I rarely meet her and when we meet, the music or the MC talking on microphone is too loud - or maybe I am just that deaf. Poor conversations. I'd love to get closer sisterhood with her, though.

Hai blog. Today is Thursday. Yes, Thursday is my teaching day at Pingu's. Two classes from 15:30 to 17:30 but also have to come to campus if I want to check revisions of my thesis right, with Mr.Ali. His schedule for me is every lunch time, about 12:00 to 14:00. But today I didn't meet him, but I met Mr.Bagyo, already made an appointment. Thank's to my brother in law who saved that appointment. I woke up at 8:30 dammit. I didn't hear the alarm. He drove me to campus. So he saw the production design which was about 95 pages (with laptop, not printed). He was very nice to me. He worried about my graduation if it could be this semester or next. Oh pleassse.... well of course it's because of my own team, not him. He wishes I keep my enthusiasm. Oh, kind words. I saw no one at campus. I drank alone at Payung... Iced Dawet. And bought Dunhill Light Menthol. Total amount: Rp22.000. If the cigarette was Rp13.000.. so the dawet is... (oh man, I am too lazy to count) Rp9.000!...

heeey Lian came! Lian's house is very far from the venue, but she came. Wow.   It's quite a surprise that Lian came. Because her twitter updates likely to mock about marriage just few weeks before this wedding day. And maybe Jess was quite sad about it that she talked about it when we had dinner with dad. Dad told my sister to talk and give understanding to Lian so she wouldn't lose her as a friend. Wow Dad is quite concerned about friendship. Those girls are at the same age and both are brokenhearted over boys and hardly move on. But now Jess does, she is married. By the way I don't know why I looked like an antagonist in that picture.   daddy  

  Did they look confuse? I adore the kebaya (the Indonesian dress). The guests also asked me where we rent it. Oh oh man, we didn't rent. Mom rent a tailor. Color and design decided by mom. Make up not by beauty salon, but by dad's sisters from Malang.

Saturday, May 14 2011. The morning was like a sacred time of giving Jess to her husband, while the afternoon is the party. We even wore different dresses for both events.. in the same day. Mom's idea.     my emotional auntie. mom's youngest sister.   Dad - Mom - me - The King and Queen - King's parents

My sister, Jessica, is finally married. I only have her as my sibling so it's really a big day for me. The thoughts of knowing she won't be home after these two days - not because she sleeps over at her friend's or having a holiday - but because she is married made me wanna cry several times. But I would not let my self cry because I didn't want to ruin my make up. Everyone cried, though.   Friday morning, May 13 2011 We invited an Ustadz, listened to his stories and advices about marriage. My sister looks so beautiful!  my sister and me. I looked tired because I only slept for two or three hours and busy serving the guests. But I'm happy.   The wedding day, May 14 2011. Saturday morning. They officially married.   Give your daughter to the man. Hahaha. You've got a wife. Mom telling something to Jessica

Dina told me she is feeling depressed. Cakti has given her too much pressure and she feels more like a slave rather than a producer :( Oh no... what you have done to my pretty producer? Too bad we didn't take picture of us like we used to do. It was because... ohh even though both of us looked pretty that day, we both were so unfocused. Many times my eyes went to the big screen and I told her "Sorry, I don't want to watch TV. My eyes just automatically go there." She understood.

Miss Selvi is always friendly. After congratulating me, she also asked where the wedding took place. Shortly, she asked some caring questions before she ended the call. I felt so uneasy, unfocus of course. My eyes wandered everywhere, like a hipnotized person hahaha even few people around me looked at me as if they noticed something wrong. SAM TING WONG!  Arrived at Boxmart, I looked confused in front of the shelves and the cashier man stared at me. WTF. I took a Nescafe Original from the fridge and sat alone, facing a girl talking with her friend. She kept eating GOOD TIME Cookies, looking so relaxed in her loose jacket. Waiting for Dina, I opened the book I brought from home: "Getting Things Done", this is Uncle (R.I.P) Iwan Ail's book, now my sister's but she just leaves it there, never read it so I took it. Opened the paper I wrote (answering the book) about what I want to have/experience. I also felt useless doing that answering. The big screen TV also distracte...

kemarin setelah makan itu tuna goreng sama plecing bayam aku berangkat ke Kemang menemui Dina. Sok kaya, aku naik Ojek dan mengeluarkan Rp40.000. Kenapa? Karena kalau naik angkot dari Bintaro, track nya: sangat jauh. harus naik ojek ke Organon, sampe Organon naik bus ke blok M padahal sebenarnya Kemang hanya satu jalan lurus kalo kita punya kendaraan pribadi. Memang secara biaya, kalau naik angkot adalah sbb: Ojek 15.000 + Bus 2.000 + Bus 2.000 = Rp19.000 sampai Kemang tapi itu memakan waktu satu setengah jam kalau tidak macet, dua jam kalau macet. Rp40.000 itu aku sendiri yang inisiatif ngasih segitu, karena emang jauh walaupun lurus-lurus aja: Perum.Pondok Indah - Terogong,Cilandak - Cipete - Kemang Timur - Jl.Benda - Nyampe deh. Minta diturunin di McD, aku akhirnya menyadari bahwa Boxmart (tempat aku janjian dgn Dina) itu di belakang McD so I had to turn around, walked far.. with oversized high heels. Man, it sucks. When I put them on to my feet, I didn't notice my feet are ...

Playing moody monday Damien Rice. Waw sesuai judul, padahal asal play. Blog, aku anemia tingkat semi kronis nih. Mungkin gara-gara mens ya. Trus aku sama sekali ngga nafsu makan (harusnya bersyukur alhamdulillah :D) padahal aku udah goreng tuna dan bikin plecing bayam. Waaah sehat sekali kan ya. Aku memutuskan tidak makan daging sapi ataupun ayam sampai tanggal 24. Supaya aku orangnya jadi lebih sabar seperti tumbuhan dan adem kayak ikan. Oke, aku barusan makan. Ya akhirnya ta'makan daripada mubazir. Hmmh. Uasin! Anjong! Eh.. alhamdulillah. Terus dong blog, kamarku supeeerr berantakan. Niatnya sih mau beresin kamar.. jadi aku berantakin dulu.

Mimpiku tadi ih supeerr supeeer ngga banget. Aku jadi guru bahasa inggris di tempat les-lesan yang kurikulumnya kayak Pingu ada Introduction sampe Assesment Class. Ketat juga peraturannya, dan juga ada make up class alias ditempuhi lek ketepa'an hari libur nasional jadi hari libur nasional tidak mengurangi jumlah pertemuan. Tapi dong blog, muridnya anak IKJ semua. Bukan balita-balita yang menggemaskan dan harum itu, tapi anak-anak IKJ blog... astagfirullahaladzim.. Ada Ibe and the gank, anak-anak 2007 (tentunya bukan gank Yandy yang agak bersihan) dan tempatnya itu di ruangan kumuh di lantai 3. Menaiki tangga besi sempit muter yang kotor berdebu parah di dalam gedung tua. Eeewwwhhhh.... Asistenku Dini, anak MIN dulu. Ta'carinya ya fotonya Dini. *Setelah cari di google* ngga ketemu. Aku lupa nama panjangnya. Banyak banget yang punya nama Dini Novita. Pokoknya kalo kamu tau blog, asistenku itu juga muka jalanan gitu deh. Lantai 3 tempat les, lantai 2 kosong, lantai 1 kantin. Lant...

I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you for an hour or two. Urgent. Urgent. Urgent. Urgent. Urgent. Urgent.

  aku tau aku gendut menjijikkan. itu tahuun...2009 atau 2010 yah? ulang tahun tyas. setelah itu dia bercadar. Jadi ini satu-satunya foto pas Tyas masih 'hanya berjilbab'. Dia temen baikku banget blog, aku kangen. Dia kena NII kayaknya. Mbuh lah. Dia udah nikah sekarang.   2006. Aku dan Tyas. Di kos an nya di Kalipasir. Kita mau ke acara kampus.. apa ya nama acaranya, pokoknya dresscode nya hijau gitu. Cantik ya dia.   belum masuk IKJ. Tahun 2005 di rumah Jl.Batujajar Itu hiragana bacanya "Ohayyo" artinya "Selamat pagi" foto ulang tahun ke 18 di kamar kos Jl.Cisadane, Jakarta Pusat pil anti-depressant   kamar kos. 2007. Itu tanktop favoritku, pemberian kak Donna. Ada dua warna, putih dan pink. Entah sekarangan kemana mereka, kayaknya udah kubuang karena warnanya udah pudar. Bersih ya kamar kosku. Iya dong.. ini tahun 2008 atau 2009 ya? Kayaknya 2008 akhir. Ini masa aku paling gendut kayak babi sampe-sampe neneknya Daru ngira aku Mba Mega (kakaknya...

  sama Mba Anggi (temen femina kakak) di nikahan Mas Husni (temen femina kakak juga). Ini tahun 2010 jaman tugas-tugas Seno Gumira. Ihiy.. langsing ya aku. ini tukang semir di TIM. Foto diambil di warung Pondok Penus siang hari menunggu kedatangan Mas Eric Gunawan. Oh, ini juga pasti tahun 2010 jaman ik masih aktif di paruKITA, gank nya mas Eric yang akhirnya... yes... akhirnya... bubbbhhhaaar.    ini idolaku, Sapardi Djoko Damono. Foto diambil di Kebun Raya Bogor. Duh indahnya ya jaman ik masih punya kamera pocket... lucu deh ik. Ini acara Menuai Sajak Di Kebun Raya. Ik ikut hanya karena ada Sapardi nya.   ini tempat les bahasa inggris paling mahal se alam jagad: Wall Street. Gambar tentunya diambil dari luar (dari jembatan busway.. nasib anak jalanan). Sebetulnya ik pengen les di situ karena katanya banyak bule ganteng. Apa daya ngga ada duit. Ini juga tahun 2010 ngambilnya, saat jadi guru bahasa inggris di COME  ini tahun berapa ya... melihat dari gaya r...

Ini Firly, temen nariku dulu waktu masih nari bali di Saraswati. Dia teman mainku yang baik: Masa aku nari bali di sanggar Saraswati TIM adalah masa penguatan kecintaanku pada anak kecil. Ternyata emang bener gue demen... hhhmmrrrmmmm rawwrr (serem.com) Kalo ini adalah foto ketika aku masih menjadi guru di COME (Course Makes Easy) Bendungan Hilir, di mana muridku terkadang 10 tahun atau 5 tahun lebih tua dari aku:   Waktu aku mampir ke kampus sebelum kerja, pake outfit itu, kata Nindi aku kayak pemain film porno. Kurang ajar!

Eh my darling, selamat hari minggu. Masa ya, barusan, sekilas gitu.. ik terbayang menjadi extremely seksi.. trus pake gaun yang roknya loose panjang, tapi nongkrongnya di dalam kolam renang (ini imajinasi spontan, blog, jadi jangan tanya alasan ya) sambil minum wine, jam 5 sore. Setting: Manila. Eh kok Manila sih, bukan..maksud ik Milan! Yes, aduh beda beberapa huruf jadinya jauh banget ya. Ternyata makan bika ambon bisa membawa imajinasi sampai Milano. *Semoga ga ada yang baca posting ini* Orang yang badannya extremely seksi itu pasti menempa dirinya dengan olahraga dan menahan nafsu makan. Dia pasti tidak menikmati kue lapis dan bika ambon minum kopi hitam seperti ik ini.. sambil merokok.. duduk santai di rumah.. hmm indahnya hidup ini *Jadi mau seksi atau mau makan kue?* Iya...iya..disain produksi kan... abis ini. You, nasty people. You yang ngerasa hebat dan sudah melakukan banyak hal padahal hanya dramatis saja. I'm pointing at him, not the runaway producer. Ih ngapain ng...

It's two days to go before that FUCKIN DAY. I'm turning 21. I don't know wheter you will laugh or cry with me if I told this: I'VE BEEN CRYING EVERYNIGHT ABOUT MY UPCOMING BIRTHDAY. You know,,,inside I'm still a child... baby... a cute cute little girl!!! *hiks hiks* Kayaknya pas hari ulangtahun gue mau goreng singkong di rumah pertanda keprihatinan... Sudahlah Keisha,, mau gimana lagi.. mau nangis sampe kelenjar airmata robek juga hari itu tetap datang.. kecuali anda mati. Lebih baik anda bikin rencana umur 21 anda itu mau anda apakan. Ini sebuah kalimat yang semoga bisa menyemangati anda: "I'm 21 and single. Perfect!" Ya,,tidak akan perfect kalau anda tetap gendouud, ya mbak keisha! Tolong diperhatikan! Menjadi kurus itu kan juga sebuah hiburan buat anda... Okay here's the rules: 1. Please OBEY this rules! 2. Konsumsilah karbohidrat sehari sekali saja. Disarankan siang hari. Yang termasuk karbohidrat itu: roti, mie, nasi, kentang 3. ...

Hidup terus berjalan apapun yang terjadi. Apa yang terlalu buruk bagi seorang Keisha? Semua bisa ditangani. Produser kabur? Sudah biasa. Aku baru saja nyampe rumah dan berharap bisa istirahat kayak hippopotamus karena abis standby dua hari dua malam acara a-i-u bleketepe nikahan kakak. Tapi ternyata, wakwaw, disain produksi... ah ngga masalah. Nikmatin aja. Namanya juga proses. Kendala di tengah itu bagian dari proses. Pas praktika juga ngerjain disain produksi sendiri kan. Ini masih bagus partner TAnya peduli..bersyukurlaaah alhaaammdulillah. Okay, it's 11:38 PM now and I am so damn sleepy. My back starts stabbing. Analisa Naratif.. bagianku bener nih. Semangat. Hah? Aku benci kata klise itu: semangat.

what the hell is happening with me?  

woke up at 2 AM, went back to sleep at 4, woke up again at 8. Had no time to exercise, didn't drink coffee, just tea and didn't eat because I ate at 2. Rushed to Pingu to have teachers meeting. Ms.Shinta asked Miss Fani and Miss Indras what they feel in my class. They say, my lack is in bridging. Ms.Shinta lectured much (verbally) how to say things to kid. Ms.Shinta also told me that teacher should be the center of the class. It's my class, not the kids' class. I accept her critics, and I do need her lectures. I just thought it would be just two of us, not in front of everybody.  aku ini kena gejala apa ya.. sholat aja belum takbiratul ikram udah baca al-fatihah.. badan lemes ngga ngaruh mau tidur selama apa pun. merasa terburu-buru tapi wandering aja kurang bertindak. astagfirullah.. astaganaga kalau bahasa gaul jadulnya. jadi ga doyan lagi sama lagu-lagu hiphop, sukanya instrumental yg kalem. wassyaah... but music is amazing ya. It is not a human, not a person, but...

it's 2:25 AM now. I woke up like.. 30 minutes ago because of my sister's alarm that in my dream was visualized as the speech of Ms.Inu saying "Lagi! lagi! lagi! lagi!" Here's what I dreamed: I was tired, and I was bringing a postman bag, and two file holders. It was evening. I saw CFC booth at the front wall of a small, old mall. I stopped to eat. But the waiter, you know, he put the spoon (for me) from the dirty floor!! Fuck! I said "How could you do that to a customer? Change the spoon!" He took another spoon, but still from the floor. So many spoons on the dirty floor a few inches from his dirty shoes. Also, the price was highly expensive. Man, whatthe.. I said "I am not eating here!" got up with my post man bag and left the file holders. The waiter stood still behind his booth. I came back and took them. I also grabbed my money from his hand and I grinned like a monster, like "Ha! I also get my money back!" I walked around the ma...

heya blog, how are you? I woke up at 5:35 AM feeling stressed.. nervous because I hadn't prepared lesson plans for today's classes; but I had to leave very early to meet Mr.Taslim at 9 (actually the appointment was at 10. Nine was my nervousa-reaction). I consciously forgot my dream because I felt like 'oh, no time for a report' and left my stomach growling hungrily for hours. I was thinking.. whattado? whattado? quick,quick. I printed my report and my writing assignment, took a bath, and walked out to eat chicken porridge alone. Ate there. This time I made the chef used spoon instead of his dirty fingers to put the chicken and all to my porridge! You know what? I didn't finish it, I just ate half portion. I was stressed. Back home, I made a tea instead of coffee - was afraid of getting ulcer attack again. Waited for dad to be ready , I played guitar.. some songs like 'No Sleep' (The Cardigans) and Don't Blame Your Daughter. Aahh.. made me feel better. ...

Somehow in a hidden place of me I feel dried out like a cannabis.  I was wet, lovely, and bright. But I was sucked right here and there, now I feel smaller than a mosquito. Trash in a coffee cup. You know? Something really does not right in place. Something really lost. Nicotine and coffee hurt. They hurt my body and I agree to consume. In bed I imagine every single rice that enters me. And I want to throw it up. All. Go to bed, world. And don't wake up before I say so.