Forever Aozora

  The rain poured and I was on the passenger seat, half of my t-shirt was wet, mainly on the right shoulder and sleeve. I had every sense to be grumpy but I wasn't. I was pondering, instead. The slow, wobbly shake of the vehicle, the AC and the view outside took me somewhere far, a time travel. There wasn't any specific event, yet I was someone else, I was that girl who was mostly on her feet or buses. If she was in a car in Jakarta, most likely it was her rich aunts or cousins, and that moment I thought I don't know where I'm going to but finally I'm out of my tiny boarding room and I'll rest my body in a nice bed in a decent room. Unlike now, I was patient. I won't lay my hand on my cigarette if they don't know or like to see me smoking. I would be the most pleasant guest, as long as for one night I can experience comfort. By then, I would call it luxury.  There could be many random things that act like a teleport button to that version of self. One of...

Last Monday was the last day of work in Kula Saget Maos and after that my body decided to be sick. Haha apologize, of course it's my fault. I enjoyed holiday to the fullest that I stayed up late 2 days in a row, snacking Kusuka and Chitato chips. Bought Campina's Neapolitan way before holiday started. And uh, at the last day of work, Herda was in Cinere. So instead of going home, I celebrated that night by going straight there, spending 45k on Goride (That's considered as cheap because it was 54k with Grab). And then I spent a nice time at my favorite spot. We went home around 9.30 PM, I was starving. I tried Roscik for the first time, that roasted chicken with Ade Rai's face. I literally exhausted my body because when I visited my mom's house, I did laundry and cleaned the house (without being asked) because I never can stand the dust and the smell of Timi's pee. Meanwhile, my body was still sore from last Sunday's class I taught. I used Selena Gomez's ...

Apakah hidup dapat diekstraksi pada setiap dini hari dimana aku duduk dengan secangkir kopi hitam menghisap rokok di hadapan layar laptop? Peter Pan lari ke Kensington Garden setelah ia tahu bahwa ia tidak akan selamanya sama. Lalu kutanya muridku, "Do you know that you will not stay the same forever?" Guruku, apa kabarmu? Perubahan-perubahan kecil yang kubuat dalam hidupku, ini ilmu darimu. Kudengarkan semua cara yang kau ajarkan untuk menyelinap keluar dari permainan simulasi. Kucatat pasal-pasal agar tidak menjadi Peter Pan. Adakah penanda zaman selain angka? Pujangga Jawa membagi zaman menurut tahun Surya. Yang paling awal dinamakan Kali Swara, zaman penuh dengan suara alam. Membayangkannya saja aku merinding. Betapa indahnya. Apakah hidup dapat diesktraksi pada satu momen ketika aku berbaring di atap rumah menatap langit biru dan membuat nama sendiri untuk diriku?  Begitu takjubnya aku dengan atap bumi: biru dan bergerak, sama dengan samudera. Aku melihat samudera di ata...

 It's 4:06 AM I am writing this post in mukena, waiting for adzan Subuh before I can finally sleep. Yes I haven't slept at all, I was enjoying my capitalistic honeymoon night or you can call friday night but it wasn't even Friday. It was Tuesday and today, even though I won't go to the office, I'll still work. So, yeah, it's okay let me feel like I have that friday night. I brushed my teeth and took the expensive vitamin I bought from Nabilla. But you know what? I'm gonna light a cigarette before sholat Subuh 'coz I have free will. Last time I stayed up all night without sholat Subuh I dreamed of working, that must be a punishment LOL. I dreamed of teaching my neurodivergent student who always pushes my button by being annoying, asking "why" to whatever I say, like someone abusing AI. My heart was trembling reading my old post. There I said on a Saturday night I stayed home, all day, making choreographies. 3 songs. My parents were out all day, ...