Forever Aozora

But somehow it just never happened. It happened just once. We made a hip hop dance video at her house terrace. Just once and I think.. God, this is not effective at all. We started this crew last year and just one video and no performance yet? I used to enjoy every practice session we had, but lately I feel like it's going nowhere. I want to step forward as a dancer, and this crew was made to make a step. On September I make a deadline for us, for her especially as the choreographer, that by November we have to have one video already. She also came to me so impulsively on August, telling that we should go compete on upcoming dance festival which the video submit deadline was the end of September, but what? She went to Singapore for holiday so.. I went to Malang and I already knew it was going to happen, no, not going to Malang, I mean that we will not submit any video to IDF, just her another impulsive moment. I went to Malang with Mom. Everything was so suddenly, that's the in...

2013. This year is like a transforming machine for me. I feel like a mount of sand, or maybe dirt, that has been continually processed to be a concrete. I feel almost literally being sifted, sloshed, messed up, spinned upside down in a wheel, until my texture changed and ready to function for something else, something impossible before. On early months of the year I got sick a lot. Chronic ulcer had sent me to Emergency Room several times. You can sleep with fever but you can't sleep with a stabbing pain. What could ease the pain was only a strong painkiller like morphine that injected straight to your vein. I used the highest level of my pain tolerance but it did not help. This ailment takes a lot of me. My family seemed helpless about it. They have no idea how it is. All they could do was yelling at me to take a better care of my self as if it is my fault. I take the medicines prescript for me but I didn't get better. The illness kept coming back. What helped me psychologi...