2013 (PART 2: Reward)

But somehow it just never happened. It happened just once. We made a hip hop dance video at her house terrace. Just once and I think.. God, this is not effective at all. We started this crew last year and just one video and no performance yet? I used to enjoy every practice session we had, but lately I feel like it's going nowhere. I want to step forward as a dancer, and this crew was made to make a step. On September I make a deadline for us, for her especially as the choreographer, that by November we have to have one video already. She also came to me so impulsively on August, telling that we should go compete on upcoming dance festival which the video submit deadline was the end of September, but what? She went to Singapore for holiday so.. I went to Malang and I already knew it was going to happen, no, not going to Malang, I mean that we will not submit any video to IDF, just her another impulsive moment. I went to Malang with Mom. Everything was so suddenly, that's the interesting part. Mom was in pain, she had a problem with her leg and needed a professional massage. She said she know one good masseur in Malang and I said, "Go there! Soon!" eve though Dad didn't give permission (and money).I gave my money and we both suddenly in the airport the next day, giggling to each other how we made it...like children escaping from a nap time. Malang, Malang, fuck that town. A place of sorrow and joy, a mountain of past-tense sentences, of course, that's illusion. What real is the now, here and now. I know. But going to Malang always grows the seed of fear in my heart, fear of feeling gloomy there. Ahahaha, that shit is real. So, after teaching dance that Friday night, we packed our clothes until MORNING (since Mom is an obsessive compulsive in times like this, as if she wants to pack this whole house in her bag).

We chilled out and ate in a nice food court in Soekarno Hatta Airport. DRAGON TERRIYAKI is where I chose to order my meal from. We didn't sit there, we sat in the smoking area.

The outside view behind glass window where we sat

Sitting with Mom in a cafe, laughing to each others jokes... when did it happen before? Never, I guess. It felt so great, I felt an explosion of happiness, I always do. When I feel joy, mostly I have an explosion in my heart, more like that than a warm comforting joy. I wanted to squeeze the time, I wanted someone, or a chair, a table, a plate to take photograph of me and mom enjoying our cigarettes. Of course, that did not happen. This moment was a reward, for me, for all the endurance. No one should feel the terrible feeling I had always felt about my mom during the difficult times, the early times when my sister moved to our house (well, parent's house, not mine). All the fights and armageddon, I endured those all and a moment of laughing together in a cafe with her is definitely a reward, it's priceless. In Malang we also talked in our hotel room, like from 9 to 3 P.M. I felt so sleepy but I did not want to miss this chance.