I don't feel dull, and I can't say my days have been dull for they are full with challenges. But I have been so alone. This also sounds weird. Since when that I'm not alone? I always pull myself back from any social event. I hang out alone. I guess the last time I had a good time outside the house/office/campus with another human being was the last Saturday in January, so it's a month ago. It is true that if I just ask, I will get people willing to go with me. But I am the pickiest picky pick ever because most of the times when I don't pick, I get bored with dull conversations, or a view of someone watching his/her phone like there's nothing else to see.
So all this time I hang out alone. Mostly in week days, after work. I do feel like it would nice to spend a relaxing time with someone else, but I can't deny that it's not a problem to be alone as well. I can mention reasons why, but the simple truth is "I can and I enjoy." I thought happiness sparks mostly at times when you drink your favorite coffee and talk to your friends. Because I do get that sparks when I am with them, and when my coffee is a perfect blend. But lately, I get it in the unpredictable situations, like when I'm in the Metaphysics class, like when I understand something new, when my 8 year old student finally can make a full sentence in English, when I see the sparks in my students' eyes, when I see the tree leaves bathed in sunshine, or when nothing happens.
You can regard me as naive, but I thought happiness is a cheerfulness shown in the TV and magazines, and the moments promoted by social media. This is another new discovery :) Like last night when I started writing this post, I woke up from a long nap after work. Saturday is the busiest day at where I work, and personally it's the day I have the most challenging class: 6 students with different learning styles. I woke up at 5, and I felt like "No way that I'm going to stay home on a Saturday night after working hard for a week." Actually I had a bad pain on my lower back. But I showered, dressed up, and just simply look perfectly fit to rocket out. You don't know that word? Never mind, I made it. Rocket out. But I didn't know where to go. And the most profound feeling is my back hurt. So well, why should I insist to go? I had the imagination of someone calling me, a friend, or text me, "Hey, are you free? Let's meet somewhere." My 90s kid - fantasy seems to be still active. ;) But I ended up thinking "My terrace is my favorite place. Why don't I just sit there enjoying a coffee?" So that's what I did and I was happy.
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