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Menikah dengan Si Gendut (judul harus revisi)

 Halo blog,

So yeah I got married. Kalau kita baca-baca ini blog yang sangat sepi dari nama lelaki tentu mengejutkan ya akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk mengikat diriku dalam komitmen pernikahan. Aku jomblo berapa tahun, coba tebak? 


Ayo tebak dong


10 tahun. 


Aku sudah hampir mempercayai pembacaan garis tangan yang dilakukan oleh seorang oknum guru BK waktu SMA, bahwa jodohku masih jauh. Ya bener kali ya kalau dihitung dari umur 17 wkwkw.

Bagian paling menegangkan dari serial pernikahan ini bukan pas ijab qobul, tapi pas membawa si gemoy ke hadapan, ke haribaan ibu dan bapaqqu. Bayangin, selama masa remaja sangat jarang terlihat dekat dengan lelaki terus tiba-tiba mau dilamar orang, coba bayangkan perasaanku dan perasaan bapaqqqu, terutama.

Aku sudah bilang ke Herda untuk diet menjelang pertemuan itu, tapi sepertinya dia tidak diet, jadi dia datang dalam keadaan mlempung ginuk ginuk. Padahal dulu pas mau ketemu aku untuk kedua kalinya, dia diet ikutan aku gak makan nasi. Pertemuan itu terjadi di bulan Januari 2020, yang dia diet itu. Sebelumnya, kami bertemu 2018. Jauh kan? Dan saat bertemu 2018 itu kayak belum kenal gitu...walau udah beberapa kali chatting di WA tapi menurut dia tanggapanku selalu dingin dan terkesan nyuekin. Karena aku sibuk aja sih bukan bosan dengan chatnya. Chatnya selalu menarik, membahas negara, antariksa, dan isi bumi. Gak pernah dia WA "Hai lagi ngapain?" gitu, gak pernah. 

Saat bertemu di bulan Oktober 2018 itu sama sekali ga ada pikiran aku akan menjalin hubungan apapun dengan dia selain hubungan pertemanan yang mungkin juga ga akan langgeng because I'm bad at keeping in touch. Dia saat itu kebetulan aja mampir Jakarta karena ada kerjaan lalu ngajak ketemu. Aku mengiyakan, probably just because I wanted to drink and it's nice to drink while talking LOL. So we met at Murphy's Kemang, I picked the place wkwkwk. 

Waktu ketemu itu, dia kelihatan cool sih. Badannya tinggi, terus pake kaos dan celana hitam gitu. Penting? And then he paid for my shot of jagger and a glass of Long Island LOL LOL PLEASE MY STUDENT DO NOT READ THIS BLOG.

So I got home drunk, by myself on Gojek, like 12 AM and arriving home, I straight away menyerok litter box kucing supaya kelihatan sober. Yeah I was professional in that. And after that we chat once in a while, I remember he like... "Selamat Idul Fitri ya Mbak," and I answered "Sama-sama, Mas Yuda". You know what? I forgot his name. Tapi dia tidak menyerah. Kalau aku jadi dia udah nyerah sih, asli.

Terus waktu aku ada job di Jogja Juli 2019 itu we were supposed to meet, tapi dia malah berada di MALANG saat itu, so we didn't. And then we chat, chat, chat, and he was like asking me to get serious in a relationship and I said datanglah sini, nggak ada yang bisa diseriusin secara online. Weitsss wkwkkw padahal job gue rata-rata online. So he came, dan itu pertemuan ke-dua. Abis itu pandemi, tau-tau udah ke haribaan ibu dan bapakku aja dia.

Selama video call an sama dia itu kan dia ngga ada giginya dua di depan ya, katanya pernah jatuh terus patah. Nah aku membriefing dia bahwa mamaku itu sangat melihat GIGI seseorang. UNTU IS ESSENTIAL for mommy. Semua artis di TV yang dikomen giginya. Jadi aku stress kalau dia datang dengan gigi gowang begitu.

Alhamdulillah dia bikin gigi, setelah berkali-kali ditunda. Pokoknya jangan ketemu mamaku dengan keadaan tanpa gigi depan. Bagaikan mobil tanpa persneling. Dia datang, aku memberi selamat untuk gigi barunya. Kemudian kita cari kemeja untuk pertemuan itu, dan kita cari kemeja yang agak longgar supayanya perutnya nggak ngecap di baju wkwkwkkwkw.

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