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This Sunday

Today I cried on gojek ride, while Khalid's chill song "Saturday Night" playing in my ear phone. Trying to not let it pour though, afraid of ruining my make up. The narration of not being good enough broke me, I guess. No matter how hard I try or how dedicated I am, I will never be GOOD in his eyes. But then I also laughed at myself.

It's just a narration.
It's a fiction.
You're good, self. You're good in a way that others can't do you,
And yes, you're not perfect. Never will be.
Are they perfect? Not at all.

So why cry? Why sad? Because you're angry? Because it's not fair? 

Accept that everyone doesn't have a heart like yours, doesn't have a frame of mind like yours, and it's pure snake chasing its tail to want to be the best in one small, personal world of OTHER PEOPLE. Leave it. That's stupid, and shallow. Maybe that's what I should be aware of. Don't be so shallow. Coba Kei diingat-ingat waktu itu pernah dapat revelation. Semua orang yang ada di jalan petualanganmu itu hanyalah wadah, hanyalah sarana. Petualanganmu tidak bergantung pada sarana-sarana itu.Itu revelation yang nyata loh. Ternyata emang bener ya, setelah kita merasa tercerahkan, kita akan diuji lagi. Coba diingat, ketika kamu fokus berjalan, tidak peduli omongan orang lain, kamu sampai juga kan sedikit demi sedikit ke tujuan, berkembang juga kan.

Jangan marah, Kei. Biarin orang mikir apapun yang mereka mau. Kalau marah, narimu nanti jelek. Sesuatu yang berarti nggak didapatkan dengan mudah, Keisha. Mau kamu bilang kan kemarin bersusah-susahnya udah, nanti akan bersusah-susah lagi Susah badan, susah hati. Tapi tergantung caramu melewatinya. Dengan cerdas, atau dengan marah-marah kayak Prabowo. Badanmu sekarang jadi kanvas, Kei, Jangan dikotori dengan energi-energi negatif. Block aja orang-orang yang nggak kontributif.

Dengerin ya Kei, kalau pun nggak ada siapapun di luar sana yang mendukungmu atau siap menolong ketika kamu jatuh, ada aku. Aku adalah dirimu dan kita satu tim. You're perfect as you are.

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