This post is very personal, and I might have to make it private anytime soon. This post is urgent and immediately needed to be written, to be poured out of my tangled heart.
On 2015, precisely 31 December 2015 he told me not to depend my happiness on him. That's a very sane message. He was sane and I was insane. We were good friends and I can tell I've never had a relationship that intimate. I've dated few people but I've never felt that intimate. We had never stopped connecting to each other, for years -- a decade; but now we do. We stopped. I stop. And I ended it nicely. I apologized for all my uttered and silent grudges over him. I apologized sincerely, and he answered in a very friendly way. I felt the need to apologize because I'm afraid if I died I would be a ghost due to unfulfilled grudge or curiosity. Borderline: I want to be a peaceful soul.
We were the very very best of friends, connected to each other like roots of a hundred year old tree. Well I had talked to him since I was 15!
On my birthday this year he still wrote me Happy Birthday, which I was quite surprised. I was ready if he wouldn't. I considered us as people WHO NEVER KNEW EACH OTHER. Yes, I reset him from my world. That's the only way to move on.
Long story short, I miss him. And everytime I miss him it hurts. I have passed the darkest depressive episode after I decided to stop contacting him -- that moment has passed. Glad I'm still here alive. I don't know that that feeling comes again, now. Every now and then. And it hits like depression. It hits me in the middle of grocery shopping, in the middle of a peaceful evening, in the middle of everything.
On 2015, precisely 31 December 2015 he told me not to depend my happiness on him. That's a very sane message. He was sane and I was insane. We were good friends and I can tell I've never had a relationship that intimate. I've dated few people but I've never felt that intimate. We had never stopped connecting to each other, for years -- a decade; but now we do. We stopped. I stop. And I ended it nicely. I apologized for all my uttered and silent grudges over him. I apologized sincerely, and he answered in a very friendly way. I felt the need to apologize because I'm afraid if I died I would be a ghost due to unfulfilled grudge or curiosity. Borderline: I want to be a peaceful soul.
We were the very very best of friends, connected to each other like roots of a hundred year old tree. Well I had talked to him since I was 15!
On my birthday this year he still wrote me Happy Birthday, which I was quite surprised. I was ready if he wouldn't. I considered us as people WHO NEVER KNEW EACH OTHER. Yes, I reset him from my world. That's the only way to move on.
Long story short, I miss him. And everytime I miss him it hurts. I have passed the darkest depressive episode after I decided to stop contacting him -- that moment has passed. Glad I'm still here alive. I don't know that that feeling comes again, now. Every now and then. And it hits like depression. It hits me in the middle of grocery shopping, in the middle of a peaceful evening, in the middle of everything.
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the best way to keep it is to keep it in your memory.
(Ashes of Time, 1994)