Dear Blog,
Today there was an interesting conversation on my way back home from work with my colleague, my manager, and my best friend: Ms.Shinta. She said, maybe jokingly, "Oh, my life is heavy." while she was taking her big bags. And I said "My baggage is heavier than my life." We laughed. I talked to myself then, "How can life be heavy? My workplace is near my house, I work with kids, I am very thankful of it. Oh, it's just my campus that makes my life heavy. Because it's so far." We giggled.
It makes me smile of how I want to write my days here. I am not a significant person. If I died, there would be no armageddon, anywhere, unlike a Mahaguru, or a CEO of a company, or even a Mother. I am not that significant, but I want my life to be significant. In my understanding, being significant means doing something that contributes goodness to yourself, and doing it progressively; either slowly, calmly, tightly, loosely, it doesn't matter. It's about doing more goodness than mischief to yourself. It doesn't matter if you're wealthy, or can barely spend a dime, doesn't matter if you're happy, or broken. I've been there all. I've been broken, wrecked, and I couldn't talk about it even to someone I trust and love the most. I have been in a very cold and dark place: depression. And what helped was deciding to do good things to myself. Now I'm here, and I don't even need to look back to feel whole and happy. I'm happy here and now. I can't thank God enough and I feel the need to share this feeling. This is not an emotion, this is a deep underlying feeling like a tiny thing that shines inside my heart, its shine breaks through the traffic jam, breaks through my weakness, my worries, space and time. Isn't this the purpose of a warrior, according to Carlos Castaneda books? The purpose is joy.
In my workplace, not everything is going right. There is someone who hates me, I think. But in front of me she smiles and says hi and everything. But from my manager I know what she did. She even tries to make all the teachers hate me. And I let her. And I can't hate, I do dislike what she does but instead of being angry, I feel sorry for her. That is only a call for love. She needs more love. Maybe she doesn't get it from her family, or her nearest surroundings. There is also a proverb that is quite profound, it says "People throw rocks at something that shines." It makes me reflect at moments where people hate me. I have a lot of those moments, and especially among dance people. I don't know where I do wrong. I don't even compete. I just dance, but there are always people that show profoundly how they want to get rid of me. I admit that those moments scratched me quite deep... that I even decided to stop going to dance places. I avoid those dance people. All they do is hating each other, talking bad about each other behind backs, and they do those things more than they dance. How can people who dance be so mischievous? I think dance connects you to the deeper reality of yourself. Dance connects me to a space in my soul that I had never been before. It awakens!
I guess my weakness is I still don't know or afraid to show love. I want to heal those who are broken. I am not acting like a healer, but they do come to me like magnets but I don't know what to do. I want to share my thankfulness in life. I am not a yoga teacher, I just do yoga and I would like to open free classes of yoga. Let's do yoga with me. But I don't have the space. Inviting people to yoga and dance are my expression and my way to share. Because that's how I healed myself.
Love Life,
Keisha
Today there was an interesting conversation on my way back home from work with my colleague, my manager, and my best friend: Ms.Shinta. She said, maybe jokingly, "Oh, my life is heavy." while she was taking her big bags. And I said "My baggage is heavier than my life." We laughed. I talked to myself then, "How can life be heavy? My workplace is near my house, I work with kids, I am very thankful of it. Oh, it's just my campus that makes my life heavy. Because it's so far." We giggled.
It makes me smile of how I want to write my days here. I am not a significant person. If I died, there would be no armageddon, anywhere, unlike a Mahaguru, or a CEO of a company, or even a Mother. I am not that significant, but I want my life to be significant. In my understanding, being significant means doing something that contributes goodness to yourself, and doing it progressively; either slowly, calmly, tightly, loosely, it doesn't matter. It's about doing more goodness than mischief to yourself. It doesn't matter if you're wealthy, or can barely spend a dime, doesn't matter if you're happy, or broken. I've been there all. I've been broken, wrecked, and I couldn't talk about it even to someone I trust and love the most. I have been in a very cold and dark place: depression. And what helped was deciding to do good things to myself. Now I'm here, and I don't even need to look back to feel whole and happy. I'm happy here and now. I can't thank God enough and I feel the need to share this feeling. This is not an emotion, this is a deep underlying feeling like a tiny thing that shines inside my heart, its shine breaks through the traffic jam, breaks through my weakness, my worries, space and time. Isn't this the purpose of a warrior, according to Carlos Castaneda books? The purpose is joy.
In my workplace, not everything is going right. There is someone who hates me, I think. But in front of me she smiles and says hi and everything. But from my manager I know what she did. She even tries to make all the teachers hate me. And I let her. And I can't hate, I do dislike what she does but instead of being angry, I feel sorry for her. That is only a call for love. She needs more love. Maybe she doesn't get it from her family, or her nearest surroundings. There is also a proverb that is quite profound, it says "People throw rocks at something that shines." It makes me reflect at moments where people hate me. I have a lot of those moments, and especially among dance people. I don't know where I do wrong. I don't even compete. I just dance, but there are always people that show profoundly how they want to get rid of me. I admit that those moments scratched me quite deep... that I even decided to stop going to dance places. I avoid those dance people. All they do is hating each other, talking bad about each other behind backs, and they do those things more than they dance. How can people who dance be so mischievous? I think dance connects you to the deeper reality of yourself. Dance connects me to a space in my soul that I had never been before. It awakens!
I guess my weakness is I still don't know or afraid to show love. I want to heal those who are broken. I am not acting like a healer, but they do come to me like magnets but I don't know what to do. I want to share my thankfulness in life. I am not a yoga teacher, I just do yoga and I would like to open free classes of yoga. Let's do yoga with me. But I don't have the space. Inviting people to yoga and dance are my expression and my way to share. Because that's how I healed myself.
Love Life,
Keisha
Comments
namaste
xoxoxo
namaste
xoxoxo