Quick recapitulation of things I haven't written.
Heart arrythmia. I got it again. A week after the dramatic job-thing (I really don't want to mention it again but everything is so damn connected) I got sick. It was only flu. But after that I could always feel my heart beat -- beating in dubstep beat -- and it hurts. At night it got worse. It woke me up in the middle of my deep sleep, or made me unable to fall asleep at all. One day I got so tired that I found my heart in my dream. Here is the thing I should write in this blog. I found my heart in a form of a girl wearing animal printed tights and hands wearing red boxing gloves. She was looking at me sharply and made a boxing gesture. I was shocked but laughed a bit, "Gosh, gurl, why you so aggressive? Let me sleep, won't you?" But she didn't reply, and looked like she didn't care. I told all to Wannes, and it's to the point that we think I should check it out to doctor. But I didn't. Too expensive.
Seneca - first philosophy paper. This assignment was handed 3 weeks before deadline but I did not write a thing. I was fully absorbed in the hellish event, and I finally did this assignment in three days where I was down with flu. The assignment was challenging and it made me nervous since the lecturer is my favorite (Ah, Keisha, please...you always overreact to anyone leaving sparks to your mind). I could not breathe well. It was pure torture, felt like atshma. I know there was probably too much mucus in my chest because it ever happened few years ago when I checked it to doctor. I was home alone most of the times because sister's father in law passed away so Mom, Dad, and just EVERYONE was there. I couldn't join. I had fever, and I had Seneca Paper. When my fever started, I witnessed a beautiful scene in my dream. I saw Mercury and Neptunus Kingdoms.
The night when I wrote Seneca was easier because Wannes was there chatting with me. I could remember everything. Actually the thing about writing this down on blog is challenging my memory. Yes, he was back from work, he was hungry and went to the shop but every shop was closed :( There was ghost trying to get my attention by swinging a pen and a piece of tissue on the table. There was no wind. But I was not afraid at all, because Seneca paper was scarier than any possible ghost that night. I slept at 5 AM
End of Semester Party - Right the day I slipped my Seneca paper to the lecturer's box (The boxes are like traditional mail box, when you enter your letter, you can not take it back. Cool.), there was campus party where they surprisingly stocked up FINE WINE. Okay, it was really fine...wine....I didn't whine... tapi untuk membayar wine itu ya, aku harus joget. Ya karena aku nggak bisa nyanyi, secara lagunya lagu-lagu Ambon, dan sekitarnya. Jadi aku joget dan kebetulan hari itu aku pakai kebaya (kebetulan? ah...udah lo setting kali, cint...)
End of Semester? You Liar! - After that we still had test, that is the mighty comprehensive test about some big, historical western philosophers. The philosophers given for test are John Locke, Thomas Hobbes, Descartes, Spinoza, and Kant. We had to choose three but we will only have one philosopher to be our test and the lecturer will choose it from our three choices. I picked Locke, Spinoza, and Kant. Immanuel Kant, because lecturer said everyone has to let Kant in their choices. (Fuck :D) Locke, because he's easy to be understood and makes sense (at least my sense :D), Spinoza, because this guy is interesting, pure rebel, I love Spinoza! Deus sive natura you all bitches!
I was given a week after Seneca, to prepare for the test. Flu finished. Atshmatic feeling dissapeared. But my heart beat was just crazy. One morning my heart was pounding so hard that I could see the beat in my shirt. It felt just like going to pop out of my chest :( I really don't know what it is and would be happy if someone with adequate medical knowledge could pinpoint what this is. I didn't check it to doctor because... maybe it doesn't need medical treatment? It's not serious? On Sunday where I supposed to be studying, I brought the book to Bakoel Koffie and instead of studying, I was just staring at the beautiful sky and thinking of the man I love. LOL. On Monday I started studying on late afternoon and at 10 PM when I was sleepy, I slept. I woke up at 12 and DIGESTED THE HELL OUT OF THAT BOOK UNTIL 6 AM *turned off capslock* without Wannes being online...okay? I did it, okay? I felt crazy though. I shouldn't make it difficult. I should had studied it long before that day, but no regret. I read each of them some days ago but I wasn't serious. I just got serious on last minute HAHAHAHA. Typical Gemini. Coming close to dawn, my heart beats got more arrythmical, as I was practicing myself preaching about Locke and Spinoza. I studied Kant the latest, because that guy I couldn't understand, that guy was difficult, that's why he stayed single until death.
At 4:30 Mom came out of her room and she looked angry seeing me up as I just recovered from flu. I made a gesture like "Easy..." and continue talking like a reporter. I went to sleep like "Okay, see you in few hours, world... deus sive natura, and that means...shit." zZz...zZ... and I was dressing up for the compre test. You wanna see my serious face? Please, you have to see.
I wore black skirt and white sleeveless top. Of course I covered it with cardigan. I love the feeling when I'm in long skirt, I finally looked like a lady. Please, don't tell me I looked like a man from Scottland. By the time I woke up I remember that I really had not studied Kant. So it was really last minute when I tried to understand Kantian logic when I was on motorcycle (relax, it wasn't me driving), then my nice dad stopped first at ITC Fatmawati and I insisted to wait at Es Teler 77 rather than accompanying him doing his short business. He said "It's just seconds." "Well, I need that seconds to read." So there I sat, with Es Teler in my table and I was talking alone...I was rehearsing. I felt like preparing for a performance. I didn't feel like it's academic test, I am a dancer, goddamit. It's a performance. After ITC, dad still made another stop, to a chinese drugstore...to buy Ginseng Coffee :D and while I was buying the coffee my mind ventured out to what Kant said about this and that... and by the time we were really heading to campus, it was only like 30 minutes left. Dad was riding fast and I told him, "Calm down!" You know what? We really almost had accident and it was because he took a side of the road he shouldn't. Dad was speeding and we almost crashed another motorcycle. That time I thought, "Okay. The end. I prepared all night and ended up in accident." But Deus saved us, thank you. Yes, so Dad decided to not only take me there but wait me there (Do you have a sweet Dad like mine? Ooooh!). I told him it's going to be just 15 or 30 minutes and I told him where to wait. I was shocked that the building looked empty, and dark. "Ah, is it a dream??" I walked around the building like a nightmarish trip. I ran to the security post, they said "It's already Christmas holiday." "But, we still have test today! It's the last day!" and finally they suggested me to go to the other building and there I found my friends studying like it's graduation test. LOL.
I came, and I asked if I should be the second person going to the test room as written in the list, but they said they go in order who comes first. Okay, so I was going to be the last. But then they said "Skip me if you want to go first it's okay." Yes, that was better. I was lack of sleep and there was a chance I fell asleep if I went the latest. So, as you can see, they were really serious and I was playing with my iPad, checking Facebook and stuffs...giggling quietly, and one of them asked, "Kei, you don't want to read a bit?" I said, "No, I reached my limit." (It means I was burnt out LOL). Seeing their seriousness there was a temptation to open again my notes but no, no, no... It was all stored in my subconscious mind and better not making a mess there. I kept on checking social media, laughed at jokes people posted, etc. They looked at me weirdly, so I said, "I laugh when nervous." and they seemed to understand. Then I came in, I came out, I got A. Yay!
I met another classmates down the stairs, they were rehearsing, yes, I didn't see it as practicing, it was rehearsal. Unlike friends in the photo, they were not seriously reading texts, but they talked by themselves. But they were really nervous. Really. They were sweating and when they saw me they called me, asking things and asking for help!! Oh my! I said,
"Calm down, he is not a mean person!" (I guess that helps, no?)
"What should I say about Descartes??"
"Just tell what you understand from the text!"
"But I don't understand!"
(Okay... that's nightmare.)
"Please tell me! Please tell me!"
"I didn't study Descartes, so I can not tell you anything...."
"Oh no, oh no, oh no!"
"Well, try to understand the text and you'll be fine. See you! Merry Christmas! Good luck, girls!!"
On the long way home I just smiled, smiled, I could not help but smile and it tasted like victory. Maybe for you it's just a little thing and should not be exaggerated. I am not exaggerating, but that little victory, I earned it. It was hard work, it was only first semester test but I didn't aim for "secure". I aimed for the best result. Here is how my mind works: Not interested -- Utterly obsessed. No in between. The funny thing is, as we arrived home, Dad said, "Please, don't study. Take a rest. Don't study no more." I was bewildered and amused. Dad is always the opposite of what he just said. He always demands me to finish my homework, to study, and he is irritated if he catch me playing computer games or simply doing anything else than studying. I made coffee for Dad, Mom, and me, then we talked, and talked, and talked.... Mom likes coffee and success stories.
After the straining comprehensive test, I definitely needed to hang out. My sister treated me iced coffee and a dessert at Pizza e Birra. I was surprised by my blackened eyes, oh my god!
Heart arrythmia. I got it again. A week after the dramatic job-thing (I really don't want to mention it again but everything is so damn connected) I got sick. It was only flu. But after that I could always feel my heart beat -- beating in dubstep beat -- and it hurts. At night it got worse. It woke me up in the middle of my deep sleep, or made me unable to fall asleep at all. One day I got so tired that I found my heart in my dream. Here is the thing I should write in this blog. I found my heart in a form of a girl wearing animal printed tights and hands wearing red boxing gloves. She was looking at me sharply and made a boxing gesture. I was shocked but laughed a bit, "Gosh, gurl, why you so aggressive? Let me sleep, won't you?" But she didn't reply, and looked like she didn't care. I told all to Wannes, and it's to the point that we think I should check it out to doctor. But I didn't. Too expensive.
Seneca - first philosophy paper. This assignment was handed 3 weeks before deadline but I did not write a thing. I was fully absorbed in the hellish event, and I finally did this assignment in three days where I was down with flu. The assignment was challenging and it made me nervous since the lecturer is my favorite (Ah, Keisha, please...you always overreact to anyone leaving sparks to your mind). I could not breathe well. It was pure torture, felt like atshma. I know there was probably too much mucus in my chest because it ever happened few years ago when I checked it to doctor. I was home alone most of the times because sister's father in law passed away so Mom, Dad, and just EVERYONE was there. I couldn't join. I had fever, and I had Seneca Paper. When my fever started, I witnessed a beautiful scene in my dream. I saw Mercury and Neptunus Kingdoms.
The night when I wrote Seneca was easier because Wannes was there chatting with me. I could remember everything. Actually the thing about writing this down on blog is challenging my memory. Yes, he was back from work, he was hungry and went to the shop but every shop was closed :( There was ghost trying to get my attention by swinging a pen and a piece of tissue on the table. There was no wind. But I was not afraid at all, because Seneca paper was scarier than any possible ghost that night. I slept at 5 AM
End of Semester Party - Right the day I slipped my Seneca paper to the lecturer's box (The boxes are like traditional mail box, when you enter your letter, you can not take it back. Cool.), there was campus party where they surprisingly stocked up FINE WINE. Okay, it was really fine...wine....I didn't whine... tapi untuk membayar wine itu ya, aku harus joget. Ya karena aku nggak bisa nyanyi, secara lagunya lagu-lagu Ambon, dan sekitarnya. Jadi aku joget dan kebetulan hari itu aku pakai kebaya (kebetulan? ah...udah lo setting kali, cint...)
End of Semester? You Liar! - After that we still had test, that is the mighty comprehensive test about some big, historical western philosophers. The philosophers given for test are John Locke, Thomas Hobbes, Descartes, Spinoza, and Kant. We had to choose three but we will only have one philosopher to be our test and the lecturer will choose it from our three choices. I picked Locke, Spinoza, and Kant. Immanuel Kant, because lecturer said everyone has to let Kant in their choices. (Fuck :D) Locke, because he's easy to be understood and makes sense (at least my sense :D), Spinoza, because this guy is interesting, pure rebel, I love Spinoza! Deus sive natura you all bitches!
I was given a week after Seneca, to prepare for the test. Flu finished. Atshmatic feeling dissapeared. But my heart beat was just crazy. One morning my heart was pounding so hard that I could see the beat in my shirt. It felt just like going to pop out of my chest :( I really don't know what it is and would be happy if someone with adequate medical knowledge could pinpoint what this is. I didn't check it to doctor because... maybe it doesn't need medical treatment? It's not serious? On Sunday where I supposed to be studying, I brought the book to Bakoel Koffie and instead of studying, I was just staring at the beautiful sky and thinking of the man I love. LOL. On Monday I started studying on late afternoon and at 10 PM when I was sleepy, I slept. I woke up at 12 and DIGESTED THE HELL OUT OF THAT BOOK UNTIL 6 AM *turned off capslock* without Wannes being online...okay? I did it, okay? I felt crazy though. I shouldn't make it difficult. I should had studied it long before that day, but no regret. I read each of them some days ago but I wasn't serious. I just got serious on last minute HAHAHAHA. Typical Gemini. Coming close to dawn, my heart beats got more arrythmical, as I was practicing myself preaching about Locke and Spinoza. I studied Kant the latest, because that guy I couldn't understand, that guy was difficult, that's why he stayed single until death.
At 4:30 Mom came out of her room and she looked angry seeing me up as I just recovered from flu. I made a gesture like "Easy..." and continue talking like a reporter. I went to sleep like "Okay, see you in few hours, world... deus sive natura, and that means...shit." zZz...zZ... and I was dressing up for the compre test. You wanna see my serious face? Please, you have to see.
I met another classmates down the stairs, they were rehearsing, yes, I didn't see it as practicing, it was rehearsal. Unlike friends in the photo, they were not seriously reading texts, but they talked by themselves. But they were really nervous. Really. They were sweating and when they saw me they called me, asking things and asking for help!! Oh my! I said,
"Calm down, he is not a mean person!" (I guess that helps, no?)
"What should I say about Descartes??"
"Just tell what you understand from the text!"
"But I don't understand!"
(Okay... that's nightmare.)
"Please tell me! Please tell me!"
"I didn't study Descartes, so I can not tell you anything...."
"Oh no, oh no, oh no!"
"Well, try to understand the text and you'll be fine. See you! Merry Christmas! Good luck, girls!!"
On the long way home I just smiled, smiled, I could not help but smile and it tasted like victory. Maybe for you it's just a little thing and should not be exaggerated. I am not exaggerating, but that little victory, I earned it. It was hard work, it was only first semester test but I didn't aim for "secure". I aimed for the best result. Here is how my mind works: Not interested -- Utterly obsessed. No in between. The funny thing is, as we arrived home, Dad said, "Please, don't study. Take a rest. Don't study no more." I was bewildered and amused. Dad is always the opposite of what he just said. He always demands me to finish my homework, to study, and he is irritated if he catch me playing computer games or simply doing anything else than studying. I made coffee for Dad, Mom, and me, then we talked, and talked, and talked.... Mom likes coffee and success stories.
After the straining comprehensive test, I definitely needed to hang out. My sister treated me iced coffee and a dessert at Pizza e Birra. I was surprised by my blackened eyes, oh my god!
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