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currr...ancurhat! (dengan huruf kapital sedikit saja)

yoohoo curhat time..trolololol..
ini hari sabtu, 1 desember 2012. Selamat akhir tahun!! ini berarti 8 hari lagi menuju performance di acaranya O2. stress? lll.....lumayan..
aku nggak stress karena mau perform, aku suka dan excited ini pertama kalinya perform nari hiphop (yang beneran) dan langsung old school (gue selalu terdampar jauh).
otakku nggak stress, tapi badanku stres. I have problem breathing (ngetiknya sambil menghembuskan asap rokok).
kak adhit memberiku porsi nari yang lumayan, hanya karena aku bisa shoulder roll :D (thanks untuk miss andara)
sungguh, ini bukan karena speed nari yang cepat, tapi bahkan hanya mengulang detil-detil aja aku udah pucat pasi. bukan ngos-ngosan kehabisan nafas, tapi oksigen kayaknya nggak masuk ke paru-paru, cuma sampai hidung.
iya, sinusitis sudah parah, and i've been sick since november 22, 2012. dua kali masuk rumah sakit, dan tetap datang latihan di interlude (okay, stop mentioning interlude. it was just a STUDIO ABOVE "Stylize" SALON AT RUKO PERMATA SENAYAN) dan running performance di O2 DC. aku bermasalah sekali dengan udara. pengab dikit, sesak nafas. kedinginan, bengek.
obat yang dikasih dokter sudah dua kali ganti.
aku inget-inget dulu waktu proses "frienemies" untuk submit indonesian dance festival dan proses latihan saat masuk final. proses submit idf bersama miss andara dulu lebih gila latihannya. setiap hari, dan nggak sejam-dua jam, tagi tiga-empat jam dengan jeda istirahat maksimal 15 menit, didahului dengan latihan fisik sit up push up 40 kali and I WAS FINE, MY MAN! so what is happening with me now?????????????????????????????????

nih gue ga lebay ya, kalo tiap pulang nari demam, itu bikin stress. gue mempertanyakan kemampuan badan gue, gue mau jadi penari, jadi badan adalah hal penting. dulu waktu gue cuma nulis kerjaannya, i didn't take my body seriously.

minggu lalu ada momen dimana aku pulang dari salihara dianterin miss andara. yang nyetir supirnya, we both sat in at the backseat and chatting. ada dua poin penting yang mengagetkan yg kudapat malam itu.

1. dia mengungkapkan kenapa dia keras sekali padaku waktu itu (fuck her, yes, she was being so awfully hard on me. so unfair.) itu karena dia melihat makin di-push, nariku makin bagus (oh, soo kejam.) dan dia bilang, kalo yang lain dikerasin kayak aku, mereka bukannya akan makin bagus juga, tapi akan kabur (oh aquarius girl can see clear even in dirty water)

2. dia melihat sebenarnya ketakutanku adalah pada panggung. dan dia semakin nggak mau tau, dia mengungkapkan kalimat yg berkecamuk di kepalanya untukku saat itu adalah "lo udah memutuskan untuk ikut dalam karya ini, ya lo komitmen. lo harus hadapi ketakutan lo."

pengakuan-pengakuan dia malam itu di mobil sangat mencengangkan. she sees everything clearly, blog. clear, clear, like a fish in an ocean (mulai lebay).

poin ke-2 itu jadi penyemangat dan sentilan lucu buatku sekarang. komitmen. iya, aku udah memutuskan mau ikut nari di karyanya ka adhit bersama anak-anak level advance (dan aku beginner. LOL) , jadi aku harus bertanggung jawab.

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