walls to room, rooms to house

I actually feel like collapsing.
Everytime I see my dad all I see is mistakes. I can't cry and I can't sleep. I sleep too late everynight, woke up dreaming of having a home, building a house here in my heart; from scratches I could find.
Yet I don't wanna drown in sorrow. Aku mengubur badanku jauh-jauh di dalam selimut, dan aku panggil lagi ingatan akan siput di Sanur, untuk menghibur diri. Siput itu transparan, bersih kulitnya, kecil badannya dan berjalan lambat sekali. Aku diam terkagum, sama sekali nggak ingin mengusik kedamaiannya. Aku berharap ada sesuatu yang lebih besar kuasanya, melihatku seperti aku melihat siput itu. Aku berharap ayah nggak mengusik aku yang kecil ini, jalan lambat-lambat menapaki mimpi. Please. Stop. Ruining. My effort to respect you.

Comments

It Has Been A Lot!

Wow, where should I start? So my comeback to dance class after a month break (sebulan aje dibahas...gimana lebih? Udah jadi buku keleus :D) had been a wild ride. Right away rehearsal for a performance and coordinating an event at the same time. Berto gave me this job from IDF, where I worked as P.I.C for Dance Writing Workshop. My girl IKAN said why am I taking the job if I am so busy? The answer is clear: I need to pay college. Ikan said she can just lend me money and I can focus on my thesis. God, bless this human that is my best friend. That's very kind and thoughtful of her. Anyway, I took the job so I was running 2 events at the same time. One in Cikini, Central Jakarta and one in SOM, South Tangerang. I became an adept Commuter Line user. I no longer mistaken peron 1 with peron 2 and silly things like that, like not knowing which gate I should enter after scanning my card to enter the peron. Duh. Duh 100x. I wasn't particularly on diet but I really didn't want to ea...

What is happiness? It sounds like a snack.

I would, like usually, open this post by saying "Things are crazy". Yes, I don't know are things really crazy or is it just me. I think it's the latter. Life appears as surprises to me. And I act like a door, opening this tunnel, closing another one. I don't feel dull, and I can't say my days have been dull for they are full with challenges. But I have been so alone. This also sounds weird. Since when that I'm not alone? I always pull myself back from any social event. I hang out alone. I guess the last time I had a good time outside the house/office/campus with another human being was the last Saturday in January, so it's a month ago. It is true that if I just ask, I will get people willing to go with me. But I am the pickiest picky pick ever because most of the times when I don't pick, I get bored with dull conversations, or a view of someone watching his/her phone like there's nothing else to see. So all this time I hang out alone. Mos...

sehat

Aku masih sakit, nih, blog.. padahal besok udah hari Kamis, harus bekerja di Pingu's. Semoga hari ini sembuh dong, yuk yaaaa...yuuk cepet sehat. Cepet mandi terus ke kampus. Lah kapan istirahatnya? Akakakaka... harus mengejar Armantono nih ik. Come on warrior!!!!!!! Ik merasa hampir gilaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lontooooooooooooong please, please, ik mau lulus semester ini. Please sehat wal afiat, dan sexy walafeksi... (gila)

Forever Aozora

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