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Are you somewhere safe?

Yo ma men, I need coffee. Betapa damai malam ini sehabis hujan, tak ada suara TV dikarenakan Ibu dan Bapak tidak ada di rumah. Ya, baru saja ditulis, terdengar suara mobilnya yang herek herek, herek herek, terseret-seret. Alhamdulillah si Ibu membawakan kue Good Time Cookies kesukaanku jadi galauku agak berkurang banyak.. gitu. (Nggak penting). Aku tadi itu pulang Pingu kan, trus mau mandi tapi malas.. geletakan lah aku di atas kasur. I was full of sad thoughts like 'Why Wannes doesn't care about me?' and I easily fell to sleep... in times like this, I couldn't differ which one is thought which one is dream.. it's blur between image of Wannes and a baby in Pingu. 'Why I dance my heart out for him?' and the next thing I imagined a total self destruction like a big knive tearing my whole body. Astaghfirullah that image is not nice at all. I don't know why I often imagine self destruction, like human body is just a building of bricks.. but of course when I open my eyes and touch my skin, I know this body is not made of bricks. I was still awake, I didn't really sleep. I couldn't sleep even though I am tired. I tried to create nice images but I was run out of ideas.  I fell to sleep again and awaken up several times, found out that I didn't breathe. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again. Felt like I don't wanna face the world, that's why I kept closing my eyes eventhough I didn't really sleeeepp. 


*You're like me  
We're both alone  
What's the problem  
I don't know  
With the same high,the same eyes  
But you can't borrow my clothes all the time
 
When I suddenly heard a door slam sound in my state of awake and sleep, I wasn't surprised. That's the sound of my subconscious mind. That's a sign of protest. I didn't make that sound. I had worse experiences with that subconscious music. Sometimes it's a loud screaming sound, or any other else.
 
Bad things
Dead things
Sad things 
Have to happen
Sometimes...
*song lyrics of DEAD THING  by Emiliana Torrini
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